“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” ~ Charlie Brown
My Wednesday’s Relationship Corner is one that has evolved by chance. I make no claim to be a relationship expert, yet continue to blog on matters of the heart because… well for some reason people like to read these blogs (and they are also fun to write). However, when it comes to unrequited love – now that, I believe I could be an expert on!
I say that with no shame, but rather with a sense of humour as I reflect on the girl I use to be. Oh, to be able to back in time knowing what I now know!!! It took me a while to understand why I seemed to be a magnet for unrequited love, all the while deflecting the good guys who desired my attention. But, as Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better,” and I can certainly attest to that! Moreover, now I am equip to share my body of wisdom as a former Unrequited Love Attractor.
So what exactly is unrequited love?
Quite simply, unrequited love is unreciprocated attraction; you have an interest in someone, who doesn’t seem to want to return the same feelings toward you. When it comes to matter of the heart, it can seem like your brain and heart do not speak the same language. They can leave you feeling in a maze of emotional confuse. While you may understand that someone is not interested in you, or is not right for you, your heart might lead you to languish over someone who does not want to be the recipient of your affection. It can leave you feeling frustrated, deflated, broken and your esteem in the toilet. Some may go onto to bare their scar as a shield, reluctant to love or find themselves staring in a self made movie called “Fatal Attraction” or “One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest.”
While the sting of unrequited love isn’t so pleasant, it is important to remember that this too shall pass, and really what you need is a survival guide to get through the meantime. While I can’t guarantee that this is THE survival guide, I am sure that any of these five points will help you on your journey of getting over unrequited love.
Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important and biggest step you can can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It simply means for that person you are interested in they are just not that interested in you. It may not have anything to do with you! It could be a matter of where they are in life. Who knows? But, certainly you should not be attempting to figure out a way to “win” their affection! Anyone, who cannot recognize your own worth and how awesome you are, doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be Gone! that person and move on! But you have to accept the situation as it is – you like him/her and they don’t like you. This step stings a little, and can leave your chest feeling with that sunken feeling. You may even shed a few tears, but if you can do this first step you are on the way to greener pastors!
2. Remove the Pedestal.
Now while you’ve intellectualized the situation, your brain may be in Canada while your heart is in Australia. The heart will want, what the heart wants in spite of your brain. You need your brain and heart to speak the same language. To help with this, sometimes taking a closer look at your beloved and really seeing ALL of them, may display a different picture. When we are attracted to someone it is easy to magnify their good qualities while dimming the light on their flaws. In this step, you want to shine a spotlight on their flaws. If you struggle with this step recruit a friend. The point is you want to knock them off of the pedestal you have placed them on. What you might find is that the torch you were burning wasn’t love at all but simply lust.
3. Cut-off Communication.
You really need time to get your faculty of self. Continued communication with someone who is not interested in you will keep you in purgatory, where you’re hanging onto a thread of hope for a possible future relationship. This hope doesn’t exist. It is an ILLUSION! What you really need is time to grieve the loss of someone you never had. Cutting-off communication means not talking or texting them, or deleting them from Facebook and twitter. You need them out of your life while you move on past them. Along with cutting-off communication with the unrequited love interest, you should also limit conversations about him/her with friends. Talking about them or to them keeps you in a head space about them. And as long as you are in a head space about them you are not available for the next wonderful person.
4. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.
Idle hands make for an idle mind. And an idle mind can take you to Fantasy Island, as you lament over someone who is not interested in you. The best antithesis to idle hands are busy ones! Throw yourself into a new passion. Now has never been a better time to try something new, and really enjoy it! Try taking up cooking, wine tasting, or a new class. Your mission is to just be busy! Besides, there is something very alluring about someone who has stuff going on and a LIFE. Which leads me to my fifth and final point.
5. Date! Date! Date!
As you begin to cancel the rent space your unrequited love had in your heart and brain, you provide room for new love interests. Contrary to what you might have thought, that person isn’t the one and only person out there! In fact, for the first time in Canadian history there are currently more single people than coupled people. There is literally a buffet of incredible people out there! So, get out there and date! But, remember to avoid anyone who doesn’t recognize your incredible worth and that truly YOU matter!
When it comes to matters of the heart, it can be an interesting and at times a difficult journey. Do not allow a bad experience to turn you into a bitter soul. Perhaps if true love was so easy to find, it wouldn’t be as appreciated as it is. Take your experience with unrequited love as an opportunity to recognize the kind of love you deserve and desire. Unrequited love may feel torturous, but it also can be a blessing in disguise. Think about this, you could be missing out on the kind of relationship you deserve if you are with someone who is only sort of interested in you, instead of someone who sees you as the world!
Your relationship non-expert,
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