site ed pillsonline viagra softsite ed pills Nicole Forrester Includes profile, statistics, photos, blog, and results for the Canadian Olympic high jumper. 2014-01-20T17:51:35Z http://nicoleforrester.com/feed/atom WordPress Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
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<![CDATA[The Benefits of Hosting a Major Games… like the Olympic Games]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1727 2014-01-20T17:51:35Z 2014-01-20T17:51:35Z Continue Reading]]>
A country can truly call itself sporting when the majority of its people feel a personal need for sports.  ~ Pierre de Coubertin, father of the modern Olympic Games

Toronto’s Economic Development committee is meeting today to discuss the possiblity of bidding to host the 2024 Olympic Games. As expected, there is much debate over this topic brewing, and what I can’t help to wonder is why is there such an unclear understanding of the vast benefits that come with hosting a major games. Anyone interested in infrastructure changes (including transportation), job creations, and an increase in GDP, should be aware that hosting a major Games is your ticket to all that and MORE!  

Every 2 years, for 2 weeks all that is wrong in the world seems to be on hold, while the world watches the Olympic Games.  That is the power of sports!  

Sports brings together people of all decent while discouraging discrimination.  It is a testament to the will of man and the realization of effort.

The benefits of hosting the Olympic Games or any major championship are often marred by the cost of staging such an event.   Oppositions are quick to site the expenses involved while completely disregarding the fact that hosting a major championship allows for belabouring city concerns to finally get taken care of in an expedient fashion.

For example Toronto will be hosting the 2015 Pan American Games.  As a result, commuting concerns are finally being put into place (like a shuttle that goes from Pearson Airport directly to downtown)… The flow of traffic and commuting options in Toronto will significantly improve as a result of hosting the Pan American Games… a project that should have been taken care of 15 years ago…
In truth the benefits of hosting a major games are so monumental that if you could put a price tag on it, the current expenses associated with hosting such an event, wouldn’t cover it.  Indeed, the benefits far exceed the costs… but no one pays attention to it.  As an athlete it always irritated me to see people petition so loudly against Canada hosting the Olympic Games or Pan American Games, yet will be the first to sing with Canadian pride when we are on the podium. Where was the Canadian pride before, when we needed it most?!
Many people will site Montreal 1976 as an example of the expense/failure with hosting a major game. Yet, few fail to realize the infrastructure improvements (such as transportation) which tagged a large portion of the bill, have allowed Montreal to benefit as a direct result to this date. From an athletic stand point, the legacy of hosting the 1976 Montreal Olympic Games can be seen in the large presence of Quebec athletes on most major games team. They have a system of sustainable performances in summer Olympic sports which no other province has.

The hosting of a major championship provides an increase in GDP, drives an increase in jobs, economic gains for small and medium business while showcasing a city to the world.  Tourism has been shown to increase substantially during and long after a championship.  It becomes an elevated tourist destination.  The influx of tourists provides more revenue gains for the hosting and nearby cities.

For example the hosting of the Toronto 2015 Pan American Games will result in Major Economic Benefits to the City of Toronto.
·         $1.4 billion in Capital Investment:
o   12,467 jobs
o   $67 million in tax revenue
o   $837 million Labour Income
o   $1.1 billion to city of Toronto GDP
·         $106 million in Operational Spending:
o   1,679 jobs and
o   $299,00 in municipal taxes for the City of Toronto
o   $84.1 million in value-added to the City of Toronto GDP
·         19.5 million in Visitor Spending
o   222 Jobs
o   $9.3 million in labour income added through the incremental tourist spending
o   $42,000 in tax revenue generated by the incremental tourist spending
o   $13.8 million to the City of Toronto GDP
    Additionally, the visibility of high performance athletes in a large cluster can’t help but inspire youth.  I remember when Canada hosted the 1994 Commonwealth Games, and I, not even an athlete at that point, made a commitment to achieve excellence as I watched our Canadian team do so well in Victoria…  And I still live and breathe this commitment!  Don’t ever underestimate the power of inspiration, provided by hosting a major game!
    As mentioned hosting a major game attends to the improvement of various city infrastructures.  Likewise, it provides facilities.  And in Canada, God knows we are struggling.  I’ve been in third world countries with better facilities than our best National Team Training Centres…. Seriously!  Asking for great performances without the means to train is like asking for blood from a stone. 
     The development of an elite athlete is a long term process.   The lasting effects of the Calgary Olympic Games can be seen in our spectacular performances in VANOC.  And while not everyone who endeavors to be an elite athlete will achieve it, they are more likely to have a lifetime committed to healthy lifestyle, which thereby makes them less likely to be a burden to our health care system… Moreover, such facilities are not exclusive to elite athletes, but become pillars in one’s city for recreation… Like I said before we shouldn’t be focusing on getting more hospital beds but getting less people needing hospital beds (Number 1 cause of death in North America is lifestyle related!) 
     Hosting any major games isn’t just about dollars and cents; it’s about making a better Canada… far beyond the podium!
Desiring a change in how Canadians view sports,
Nicole

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Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[Lest We Forget]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1718 2013-11-11T04:37:07Z 2013-11-11T03:57:47Z Continue Reading]]> In Canada, we refer to November 11th as Remembrance Day. A day of a remembrance for all those who have fought and those we have lost in battle in our name. To symbolize our support and gratitude for those many soldiers, we wear a poppy on the right side of our chest. The poem, Flanders Filed, written during World War I by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, encapsulates the significance of the poppy and has become a staple in our Canadian history. So whether, you are Canadian, American or a citizen of another country, please take a moment to remember those who have fought, and those whom we have lost in battle, so we could have this day.

Thank you to all those who have served for our country. Your efforts have not and will not be forgotten. For because of you, we’ve been able to have the Canada we know today. Thank you to our troops… words can’t say enough!!!

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Courtesy of Bee MacGuire
Obtained From TheMcCrae Museum of The Guelph Museum

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[In PURSUIT of Excellence]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1686 2013-08-07T02:55:12Z 2013-08-07T02:55:12Z Continue Reading]]> And as I walked across that stage, to receive my doctoral degree and to be hooded by my advisor, Dr. Feltz, all that I could think about, was what it took to get to that point in life. Memories quickly flashed before my eyes. Thoughts of those many, many, many, all-nighters (sometimes as many as 3 nights in a row while simultaneously training as an elite athlete); those pivotal teachers, family, and friends who supported and believed in me when I had a lot of questions; those moments of elations and frustrations; and those moments of when I felt I was in a tunnel with no light at the end of it. In the world of doctoral degrees, where the attrition rate is a 40 to 50 percent, those many nights of fatigue can make you envious of your friends who have long ago left the word “homework” behind. Damn, it was hard! And boy was it was worth it! I know I never worked so hard academically in my life, as I did pursuing my doctoral degree. And I did it! Now that’s the taste of excellence!

Michigan State University ConvocationIsn’t that the great thing about a goal, or a passion? Only you will ever know how hard you’ve worked. You are able to sit back and reflect on the many ways you could have come up short, and revel in the fact that you didn’t, but actually rediscovered a new level of personal excellence. You were the master of your destiny! And that’s really what life is about.

Life is about being brave enough to figure out what we are truly interested in and passionate about, and to pursue it ardently! To be resilient, tireless, and to know the feeling of satisfaction, as we successfully achieve one pursuit, and discover another. To make the most out of life, with the time that is given to us, and to set new boundaries. But, most importantly, we must always remember to measure our success according to our own standards, and not compare ourselves to others. After all, to quote Baz Luhrmann “the race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

It is safe to say that this year has been nothing short of a pivotal and a monumental point in my life. GROWTH may just be my first name, right about now. For my entire adult life I’ve been an athlete. This has been my world and a form of my identity. But, along with being an athlete I’ve also been a scholar. It was always difficult for me to say which one I felt I was more of, and often I felt I was cheating on one with the other. I was never completely an athlete, and never completely a scholar. I was both – which made me wonder how much I was compromising my performance, by riding the fence instead of choosing to exclusively be one. Ultimately, for me I feel being a student and an athlete helped me succeed in both areas. I was able to put myself in the mind of an elite athlete as I studied the psychosocial elements impacting performance, and my studies provided some balance to allow my perfectionist qualities to be adaptive as oppose to maladaptive.

kilimanjaroAs I close one chapter of excellence, the athlete in me can’t help but find another challenge of excellence to pursue. His name is Mount Kilimanjaro. With just days left to board my flight to Tanzania, I am packing and preparing to climb 5,895 m (19,341 ft) high on one of the seven summits, Mount Kilimanjaro. The trek should take us 6 days, as we travel the Machame route. I have no grand illusion that this will be an easy climb for a novice like me, but I am up for the challenge. I am excited of what I will learn about myself on this new adventure. Stay tuned… I’ll be sure to blog about it.

Oh, and in case you were wondering where I’ve been when it comes to blogging, I’ve been getting my house in order. Yes, it’s been a while since my last blog – 5 months to be exact. And admittedly I’ve been M.I.A from all forms of social network (e.g., Twitter, Facebook) you could say. So, what gives??? One would think after you finally graduate you’d experience some free time. It’s been a bit of a whirl wind for me, and time seems to be moving ever so faster. Between completing my first year as a professor and beginning a new practice as a Human Performance Consultant I’ve had my hands tied and loving every minute of it. Just trying to take life by the horns…. One day at a time and exploring new endeavors and passions in this thing called life.

Committed to self-actualization,
Nicole… still sounds foreign to say Dr. Forrester

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[I Believe, What I Believe – Lyrics]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1675 2013-03-17T14:45:38Z 2013-03-17T02:46:56Z Continue Reading]]> I debated on which song I would post today, given it is St. Patrick’s Day. Dare I go with a classic like, “Oh Danny Boy,” written by an American but known as an Irish tune (and also a song I like to play on one of my instruments)… Or go with an actual Irish band, like U2 (my favourite band!).

But, given my faith is Catholicism and we just had a new Pope appointed this week, perhaps it’s best I take this time to pay homage to St. Patrick, a patron saint and national apostle of Ireland, who was credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland, and the reason St. Patrick’s Day exist.

It’s a funny thing. I find religion is one of those topics that have become taboo, and that many of us shy away from. Yet, a day like today reminds us that whether or not we choose to acknowledge religion, we are indeed surrounded by it – even if one does not believe there is a God.

I personally, don’t care what one believes in, nor am I in the habit of trying to convert anyone to my faith. I believe what I believe, and that’s good enough for me. For me my faith is very important to me, as my principles are heavily rooted in it. I consider myself more spiritual than religious, and by that I find purpose and meaning in my actions. At times, I can grow tired of my principles and my attempts to be a good person, but to be anything less wouldn’t sit right with me. (I hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach I feel when I know my actions were wrong. I fear causing pain and harm to another person, or ever breaking someone’s heart.) … To leave this world better than I have entered it, is to have lived a good life, for me.

And while I may pursue a higher ground, there are certainly times where I am dependent on my faith to essentially “save me.” It’s like in those moments where I’ve done all I can do, and know things are out of my control, and all I have left is to pray, leaning entirely on God. Like I said, I’m not trying to convert anyone into a believer. My faith works for me, and that’s good enough for me! And so when a song like “You Raise Me Up,” (an Irish themed song) comes along, I can’t help but, FEEL the lyrics etched in my heart. This is my song to God. My song of gratitude of knowing I have someone to turn to, when all hope is lost. And perhaps that is what Saint Patrick provided to some of the people in Ireland. A little faith.

Faithfully,
Nicole

You Raise Me Up, written by Rolf U. Lovland
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[Who do Athletes Date?]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1657 2013-03-14T00:29:02Z 2013-03-14T00:27:10Z Continue Reading]]> When it comes to dating, I’m often asked, “Do you only date athletes?”

This is an interesting question. Is this question code for, “Would you date someone who does not have a 6-pack?” or is this question based on the assumption that athletes need someone who has a shared interest in sport and high performance.

Who knows!

Certainly, dating an athlete… a female athlete… might not be the easiest gig. To be among the best in your “craft” requires an insatiable desire for excellence. Elite athletes are driven, goal oriented, focused, perfectionists, and confident… sometimes too confident. For many athletes this pursuit for excellence is quickly adopted in all aspects of their lives. It translates over into careers and relationships. For someone, who is okay driving in the slow lane, an elite athlete could make you car sick, as we wiz by in the fast lane of life. Yes, we can be complex creatures.

Not to worry here are 4 things which could help you out.

1. We don’t ONLY/ALWAYS date other athletes… That could be intense. Moreover, the world of sports is pretty small, where athletes are separated by 3 degrees instead of 6. It can end up feeling like you are drinking from the same water you swim in. So, usually athletes like to spread out and date outside this familiar territory. Usually, it is the convenience of shared lifestyle and values which lends itself to athletes dating other athletes.

ESPN-the-BODY-1024x5362. Be CONFIDENT and secure in your body image. While the profession of an athlete may result in in a toned body, athletes don’t walk around in a bubble expecting the world to have a less than 5% body composition. Even as female athletes, my friends and I are always amazed at some of the remarks we’ve heard guys make about their body: “I use to workout 5 days of the week, but I’ve been swamped. I need to hit the gym more,” or “I’m probably a little heavier now than I normally am,” or “I hurt my knee so I haven’t been able to work out.” We’ve heard it all before… Coming from a sport where 90% of the athletes have a 6-pack, we are not so delusional to hold the whole world up to this expectation. We’re not looking for a gym-rat… or someone who is trying out for Mr. Universe. For most of us, if you are healthy and active, and we’re talking to you, we’ve accepted your body as it is… and probably LOVE IT! But, the question is “Are you comfortable in your own skin?” (Without of course being arrogant.)

Passion-23. You don’t have to be an athlete… But, we like it if you are passionate, ambitious, and athletic/active. Even if your goal in life is to be a basket weaver – if that is your passion, and you are ambitious about that, we’ll love you for that. Elite athletes are highly driven individuals with usually a fixation on high goal achievements. Observing those qualities in another person, no matter, their area of interest is always admired. Seeing someone driven and passionate about something is an attractor for anyone…. And being healthy – well, that’s just a natural cross over, for a anyone who has spent most of their adult life being an athlete.

4. Be Patient and Flexible. Ironically, some athletes can be the most impatient creatures but will demand patience in their partner. Clearly, an uneven scale. Being highly driven can often translate into immediacy in any action. Waiting is not our strong suit. (Possibly more so when you are dealing with a speed and power athlete, where brute force and all-out efforts are our normalcy). Add to that, the schedule and lifestyle for most athletes are governed by their sport and coach. Fairly or not, athletes might expect others to be adaptable to their lifestyle and time constraints.

At the end of the day, often dating a non-athlete provides the necessary balance that an elite athlete requires… so long as the relationship is supportive and healthy. So, go ahead… Man-Up! And ask that girl or guy athlete out. There’s a good chance she/he has been eyeing you anyway!

Your relationship non-expert,
Nicole

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[Savin’ Me]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1628 2013-03-10T17:43:47Z 2013-03-10T17:11:56Z Continue Reading]]> Dale Carnegie said, “Treat everyone as if their heart is breaking, because it just might be.” Every day we encounter people and we never know just want kind of load they are carrying on their shoulder. Maybe they are contemplating suicide, maybe they’ve been diagnosed with a terminal disease, or maybe they are suffering a heart break or going through a divorce. Their life could be crumbling all around them, and what they need most is someone to “save them.”

Save me A wanting ear, a hug, a lingering smile, or kind words. Often we are too caught up in our own needs and wants to show a little kindness to others. We can be curt, rude, or simply ignore others as we pass them by. Honestly, how hard is it to smile and to ask a stranger “How are you?” or to pay a random stranger a compliment? You could be all the difference to them, and not even know it.

I once stopped and asked a woman on the street asking for money, how she got there –what was her story? And what I discovered is that anyone of us could be in her situation. Pain and challenges can cause a snowball effect, and sometimes you can be buried so deep under the avalanche that you can’t see a way out. I’m sure my few dollars I gave her didn’t go far. I can only hope my listening ear and kind words may have given her some warmth.

But, you don’t have to be on the street asking for money to be in need of kindness. We all go through challenges in life and experience pain from time to time. Feeling as though you are on a ledge and needing someone to pull you in and save you.

Be KindYou don’t have to like Nickelback to feel the powerful message that “Savin’ Me” offers. The lyrics paint a picture of someone suffering and feeling as though they are on the wrong path, as they cry for the care and help of another to help them turn their life around. I’m not sure there is anyone who has ever existed that didn’t feel as though they needed to be saved at one point in their life. The question I ask you is to maybe consider your actions as you encounter others. No matter how brief your exchange may be with a stranger, you could be savin’ them. How differently would you treat someone if you knew their heart was breaking, they were dying, or contemplating suicide…. I’m sure a whole lot different. Be responsible for your actions, and try being kind to a stranger. It really costs you nothing.

SAVIN’ ME by Nickelback

LYRICS
Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you
Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Hurry I’m fallin’

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[Aspiring for Humility… and the cost of Pride]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1605 2013-03-06T14:25:56Z 2013-03-06T06:44:03Z Continue Reading]]> Please note, if you’ve come today looking for a Wednesday’s Relationship Corner blog, I will post something later this week on that topic.

Today’s blog is a continuation from my previous blog on arrogance. I believe arrogance and pride are closely related, and the strongest deterrent to these vices is humility. As I reflect on the many people who inspire me and make me want to be a better version of myself, they all have the incredible virtue of humility. It is truly a remarkable virtue. And while we may have moments of arrogance or pride (as I’m not sure anyone is free of sometimes falling short in these domains), we can try to counter that with greater demonstrations of humility.

“There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which everyone in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which We are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others. The vice I am talking of is Pride or Self-Conceit.”  ~C.S. Lewis
The first time I read this I literally stopped dead in my tracks as I pondered this vice…. Was I a prideful person and is this really a bad thing? 
Over the years, I’ve debated this notion of Pride.  It’s been a hard one, especially being that I am an athlete and strongly value self-confidence. However, self-confidence is NOT Pride and is more akin to Humility.  And the one thing I am certain of it is that HUMILITY is a GREAT thing.  
“To be humble is not to have a low opinion of oneself; it is to have an accurate opinion of oneself.  It is the ability to keep one’s talents and accomplishments in perspective (Richards, 1992), to have a sense of self-acceptance, an understanding of one’s imperfections and to be free from arrogance and low self-esteem.” (Clark, 1992, p.33)
humility_1Personally, anytime I’ve met a person who embodies Humility I find myself wanting to be around them more.  And it’s not just me.  They have this “Je ne sais quoi” effect with everyone they encounter.  These people make you want to be a better you! 
So if Humility is the antithesis of Pride, does that mean Pride is a bad thing?  I think so… and yet it’s not like I believe I’m above it. 
In fact, I believe Pride just might be the Achilles heel of mankind.  
The problem with Pride is it involves admiration by others and it is not lasting.  It’s there in feeling important because of the job, education, house, car, or experience one has; and the “important” people one desires to know and be friends with. 

The motive of passion is replaced by the need to feel magnanimous. For example, having a highly regarded job because it provides the prideful feeling of importance rather than having a job one is passionate about.

It is human nature to want to feel important.  But, really, if people valued themselves more and relied less on the opinions of others this urge would be fulfilled.  I’m sure people who exude Humility have mastered this.

Ironically, isn’t it funny that it is viewed in society as a good thing to have people want to be like you and have what you have? 
Similarly, Pride involves comparison to another– doing better than the next person.  To quote C.S Lewis “We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not.  They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. “ 
Feeling superior and above others…. How can this be a good thing?  I don’t want to be around someone who has this view of themselves.  Do you???
Sport is an interesting paradox because it involves being better than a competitor. We build heroes from victorious wins.  Yet, unknowingly, these pedestals athletes are placed on may become the same pedestals they are knocked off when they are no longer an athlete or performing as they once use to. 
The Hero-to-Zero complex is a very real problem for some athletes. 
 
Often, athletes struggle with their identity being wrapped up in their sport.  If one finds value in being better than others because of their achievements, when they are no longer an athlete (or fail to achieve the same success they once had), that sense of Pride has been extinguished.
It may seem contradictory to argue against Pride being that I am an Olympian, but I will tell you my greatest performances have been achieved when I viewed the high jump bar as my competitor and not other athletes.  It is for this reason I often say “Measure your success not by comparing yourself to others, but by how close you approach your own potential. You may discover you’ll surpass exceptional along the way.” 
Please understand, by no means, have I mastered my battle with pride.  It is something I am constantly working on… while I strive to know Humility.
POOFing! To Pride,
Nicole
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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[The Vice of Arrogance – ACHTUNG, Baby!]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1577 2013-03-04T12:30:55Z 2013-03-04T12:30:55Z Continue Reading]]> Arrogance… Is there anyone who does not detest this character trait? Before launching into this topic, I do not want to appear above this vice so perhaps its best I start with myself, before placing judgement.

I walk a fine line between confidence and insecurities… as I’m sure most people do. I am generally of the mindset, “Take me as I am, or POOF! Be Gone!” However, there are those rare instances I’ll catch that little devil of insecurity sneaking around and he always catches me off guard. Every now and then he’ll randomly appear, when I encounter someone for the first time who doesn’t know me, but I really value and want to be of relevance to them before they quickly lose interest. It’s almost like I’m trying to pitch a great business idea to a CEO in a short window of time allotted to me. My first instinct may be to impress upon them the wonders of Nicole, when really I’m probably putting them off, instead of just being myself. In those instances, the consequences can be great, since first impressions can often make or break you. That person may walk away with an inaccurate portrayal of me, when all I wanted to do was to have them like me… Thank God that doesn’t happen often!

The problem is in that moment my actions may have rightly been perceived as arrogant, even though I’m not an arrogant individual. Confident, yes… but arrogant, no! My insecurities in that moment may have gotten the best of me. And this is the crux of arrogance.

Many people wrongfully confuse confidence with arrogance, and in truth they may be polar opposites.

confidence-road-signTo clarify, confidence is the belief one has in their ability to meet a challenge. It doesn’t involve feeling superior to others, or better than another person. Similarly, “to be humble is not to have a low opinion of oneself; it is to have an accurate opinion of oneself. It is the ability to keep one’s talents and accomplishments in perspective (Richards, 1992), to have a sense of self-acceptance, an understanding of one’s imperfections and to be free from arrogance and low self-esteem” (Clark, 1992, p.33).

Arrogance is the false illusion of confidence. Sadly, some people live in the domain of arrogance. This IS who they are… always trying to give the appearance and convince others that they are a certain way. It is through the belief of other’s in their pseudo self, do they gain confidence in themselves. It really is tied into self-worth, influenced by the evaluation of others.

Often arrogance comes from a place of insecurity. It is a façade, a mask, or a hype one is creating about themselves. One is projecting themselves to appear a certain way, because they want to be perceived as such. Arrogant individuals want to appear superior to others! It’s there in feeling important because of the job, education, house, car, or experience one has; and the “important” people one desires to know and be friends with. Status is no stranger to this individual. And yet, in their quest to be highly regarded they can never be truly satisfied, because they themselves aren’t truly satisfied in themselves.

confidenceIt is human nature to want to feel important. But, really, if people valued themselves more and relied less on the opinions of others this urge would be fulfilled. I’m sure people who exude Humility have mastered this.

Ironically, isn’t it funny that it is viewed in society as a good thing to have people want to be like you and have what you have? (A discussion for another blog.)

And while we may be all quick to persecute someone who is arrogant or prideful, perhaps we should ponder this thought for a moment:

“There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which everyone in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others. The vice I am talking of is Pride or Self-Conceit.” ~C.S. Lewis

So, is a measure of how arrogant we each are simply a reflection of how much we despise this character flaw in another person? The more we hate arrogance, the more likely we are arrogant???

Think about that thought for a second.

We may all be guilty of demonstrating shades of arrogance in our lifetime. However, being mindful of when and why they occur may help to reduce their occurrences. And for those who are generally arrogant individuals, rather than be annoyed the next time we encounter an arrogant individual, perhaps we should probably feel sympathy. Their attempts at appearing magnanimous may be simply their attempt to show they matter to you.

Pondering,
Nicole

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[The Power of Goodbye: POOF! Be Gone!]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1561 2013-03-03T18:27:28Z 2013-03-03T18:07:39Z Continue Reading]]> “You’ve been POOFed!” with an angry emoticon face, I texted Glenroy, my good friend and pseudo big brother.

“Again???” he responded and laughed. He knew the drill. POOF! Be Gone! is something I say jokingly and often to my friends…. usually, when I’m trying to get their attention on something, but it is always said with humour and endearment.

But beyond that, I actually do like to use “POOF! Be Gone!” as a euphemism for saying goodbye when something isn’t working for me. Sort of like saying to someone “See you! I’m done with you!” without the need to swear or use foul language. I often refer to this phrase in my various relationship blogs. POOF! Be Gone! isn’t a phrase exclusive to relationship, but rather it is something that can be applied to all aspects of life – a job, stranger, a bad experience.

Power of Goodbye_2At the heart of it, it is realizing the POWER OF GOODBYE. Whether that means walking away from a disagreement with a stranger, or someone you care about, there is definitely power in goodbye. And in that power you are able to reset yourself and know that you removed yourself from a stimulus that wasn’t working for you.

Keep in mind, learning how to let go, can be the scariest and most freeing thing a person can do… in ALL facets of life. Yet, often times we let fear preside over us, and people choose not to let go. People can become addicted to a dysfunctional relationship and the grief that it brings. Choosing the predictable sadness it brings over the unknown of letting go. The line “pain is a warning that something’s wrong,” I believe validates the power of goodbye — but, still many of us will continue to be scared to walk away from that source of pain. It’s as the saying goes “Insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.” I choose the Power of Goodbye.

This song has always been dear to me. It’s a song that comes to mind anytime I’m faced with making a hard decision in life. I’ll use my feelings for navigation. If it feels good, I continue but if there’s pain I say goodbye… Try it sometime.

POOF! Be Gone! subscriber,
Nicole

The Power of Goodbye, Written by Madonna and Rick Nowels
Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has be broken…I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something’s wrong
I pray to God that it won’t be long

There’s nothing left to try
There’s no place left to hide
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has be broken…I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress

There’s nothing left to try
There’s no place left to hide
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

There’s nothing left to lose
There’s no more heart to bruise
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

Learn to say goodbye
I yearn to say goodbye.

There’s nothing left to try
There’s no place left to hide
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

There’s nothing left to lose
There’s no more heart to bruise
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

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Nicole Forrester
Nicole Forrester
http://www.nicoleforrester.com
<![CDATA[Confessions of an Intimacy Challenged Woman]]> http://nicoleforrester.com/?p=1539 2013-02-27T16:49:04Z 2013-02-27T16:00:33Z Continue Reading]]> This is one of those blogs I write, and pause heavily before pressing that “Publish” button to send out to the world wide web. But, I can’t help feeling by exposing my own flaws and fears I give a voice to others to do the same. So here goes…

“Nicole you are confusing!” exclaimed my friend Mike as we chatted over a glass of wine. He couldn’t understand why I would lose interest in a man that googled me and would prefer to be with someone who didn’t. True to form, my lawyer friend argued that anyone truly interested in me would want to find out all they could about me, and Google me.

But, if you are someone who struggles with intimacy this makes perfect sense.

What does Intimacy Issues Look Like?
Meeting guys and dating has never been really a challenge for me. But, it is the development of a relationship where I’ve wavered. And I speak in past tense as this has been something I’ve been working on, and continue to improve on. But, like an alcoholic or a smoker I think it is something I will have to be mindful of for the rest of my life. My addiction is my struggle to allow someone to get incredibly close to me. There are few things that scare me more than being completely vulnerable. Being in a room full of tarantellas feels more inviting than letting my guard down and exposing my vulnerability.

_dsc4885colorIntimacy doesn’t refer to sexuality… Rather, “an intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.” (Lerner, H., The Dance of Intimacy, p.3)

Being vulnerable demands the virtue of trust. Oh,TRUST!!! We all know how big that word is. Is there even a value you can attach to it? My fear of being vulnerable is akin to falling backwards and hoping someone is there to catch you, when in all likeliness there is no one, and you’d have a better chance hoping for the tooth fairy to magically appear to catch you! It’s a paralyzing fear, which has ironically equipped me with a vast array of dating experiences, and the ability to whip up my non-expert relationship blogs as I offer lessons learned from past mistakes made.

If you have a fear of intimacy like me, you make it difficult for someone to get incredibly close to you, and develop an art for attracting the wrong kind of guys. My weaknesses have typically been the emotionally unavailable man or someone who is less interested in me. In a reversal of roles, some intimacy challenged women enjoy pursuing an unavailable guy. You’ll make consorted efforts that are not matched/reciprocated, walk the line of approval seeking, make compromises, and possibly have a scent of desperation lingering – all the while, the man of your interest may enjoy the attention but he is not really interested in you. I think I’ve subconsciously reason, if I could somehow convert that uninterested guy into really liking me, than I could allow myself to be vulnerable with them. “This makes complete sense, doesn’t it?” says the illogical thinker. This is a doomed relationship, with a shelf life shorter than non-refrigerated yogurt.

chaseIronically, the individuals who are truly interested in me, and who I should probably gravitate towards, are more threatening to me then food poisoning. They significantly heighten my fear of intimacy to an uncomfortable level, and make me want to run in the opposite direction. Women like me, may try to unconsciously sabotage such relationships early on, and be initially reluctant to reciprocate the same feelings, always looking for flaws. Discussion of intimacy (i.e. relationship expectations and feelings) can be as comfortable as sitting through a session of nails on a chalkboard. Honestly, I’d rather run a marathon and complete a triathlon in the same day, then have “the talk”.

What is REALLY the fear?
At the heart of it, at least for me, is the loss and pain I may feel if I was to be completely vulnerable with someone and the relationship failed. We are surrounded by examples of failed relationships, never mind our own experiences. Furthermore, I struggle with the concept of unconditional love in a relationship. I know I can give unconditional love, but can I really count on someone else to do the same?

Funny enough, when I’m first dating someone, I like to reveal the worst side of me, as oppose to putting my best foot forward. I recently had one guy, complain that I dared to change into sweats and a hoodie in the midst of a date. I was trying to get comfortable, and at the same time probably create a distance. Guilty as charged! I guess I figure if you see me in an unfavourable light and still stick around, you’ll be more than pleasantly surprised when you see how I am normally.

The problem with a relationship is it requires two people to be fully committed and devoted. I am incredibly rooted in my principles and values that loyalty is embedded in my very being. I only know how to be fully committed and dedicated in anything I do. (A function of being an elite athlete, I guess.) But, even if I’m fully committed I cannot control what someone else is going to do. And therein lies the problem.

I think in the back of my mind, that the chance of being let down by someone is high, and I’d sooner invest less of me, than to risk losing all of me.

intimacy2In Recovery
Now, I did say I’ve been working on this handicap, and boy let me tell you, I have come a long way Baby! Though, I might find myself wondering down familiar patterns, I’ll recognize and intercept them, while forcing myself to become comfortable being uncomfortable. So, I’m better at recognizing and dismissing someone who is emotionally unavailable or demonstrating less interest in me, as I am in them. Likewise, I’m learning to not push someone away who is genuinely interested in me. Admittedly, this is probably the hardest growth area.

Being enthralled by an intimacy challenged woman like me can be a challenge, or as my friend Mike so aptly put, “frustrating.” But, if you can weather the storm of an intimacy challenged woman, there is definitely a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Your relationship non-expert,

Nicole

Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/nicoleforrester

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